Thursday, November 9, 2023

Confessions of An Airline Pilot: 45 Things They Wish Passengers Knew

These are the men and women getting you to your destination. It helps to follow their directions and safety protocols. Here are 45 things pilots wish passengers would do.

These are all quotes from actual airline pilots and airline crew

1. Some of us like flying during the COVID-19 pandemic

-With the COVID-19 pandemic shutting down almost everything, airports, which are usually bustling, hectic places, are now quieter. It's certainly easier, but for the wrong reasons. One pilot named Patrick Smith, who also wrote a book called Cockpit Confidential, has this to say. "Suddenly airports are quiet, delays are nonexistent, commuting is a breeze. It'd be perverse to say that flying is "better" than ever, but certainly, it's easier. Easier for all the wrong reasons, but it's a way to keep my head up and maintain a sense of normalcy...I'm happier on the job, where I feel engaged and useful, than I am at home, where I'm apt to stew and wallow."

2. COVID actually increased delays

-An airline captain for a major European airline named Martin Pletzer has this to say. "The problems we usually encounter in connection with COVID-19 for international air travel are DELAYS. Although air traffic had declined within the last year and skies in Europe were basically empty, many flights were nevertheless delayed. The reasons are mostly the complicated passenger handling procedures due to strict COVID-19 regulations."

3. Research policies for your destination

-This same airline captain, Martin Pletzer, also adds "We would like our passengers to be fully familiar with COVID regulations for their destination. They should come to the check in and gate fully prepared, with all the required documents, tests, etc. If, for example, the validity for a COVID antigen test is 48 hours in your home country, but only 24 hours in the country of destination, you will probably get in trouble. Dealing with such problems shortly before departure usually causes delays."

4. Comply with the mask mandates

-Martin Pletzer also states "Passengers should be aware of the mask regulations aboard their flight. Usually, the airlines give concise information, but they are not always respected...Non-compliance with regulations concerning masks, like not wearing them during flight, might, in the worst case, end up in a travel ban for the passenger

5. Respect the different departure policies

-Martin Pletzer adds "Follow all instructions during de-boarding the plane. Every country has different regulations and procedures for passengers leaving a plane. In Russia, for example, you are required to stay seated and wait for officials to board the aircraft to check for signs of fever. In other countries, entry docs from all passengers are collected by cabin crew and handed over to officials after the aircraft doors are opened. Usually, all passengers rush towards the exit after landing in order to be the first out. During COVID, passengers have to stay seated and wait until their rows are called for de-boarding. Non-compliance leads to delays for the next departure of the aircraft."

6. I've been struck by lightning twice

-A pilot for a regional Charlotte, North Carolina airline, has this to say. "Most pilots have. Airplanes are built to take it. You hear a big boom and see a big flash and that's it. You're not going to fall out of the sky."

7. If you're always cold, sit in the back

-A tech pilot for a regional Texas airline says "The general flow of air in any airplane is from front to back. So if you're really concerned about breathing the freshest possible air or not getting too hot, sit as close to the front as you can. Planes are generally warmest in back."

8. Turbulence is not dangerous

-Patrick Smith, an airline pilot and author of Cockpit Confidential, adds "Pilots find it perplexing that so many people are afraid of turbulence. It's all but impossible for turbulence to cause a crash. We avoid turbulence not because we're afraid the wing is going to fall off but because it's annoying."

9. When I tell you to put your laptop away, that means listen to what I'm saying

-Patrick Smith says "We don't make you stow your laptop because we're worried about electronic interference. It's about having a projectile on your lap. I don't know about you, but I don't want to get hit in the head by a MacBook going 200 miles per hour. And we're not trying to ruin your fun by making you take off your headphones. We just want you to be able to hear us if there's an emergency."

10. If you're nervous to fly, book a morning flight

-A Los Angeles airline pilot named Jerry Johnson has this to say. "The heating of the ground later causes bumpier air, and it's much more likely to thunderstorm in the afternoon."

11. We don't understand some of the FAA rules either

-Jack Stephan, an airline captain with US Airways, based in Annapolis, Maryland and has been flying since 1984, has this to say. "Like the fact that when we're at 39,000 feet going 400 miles per hour, in a plane that could hit turbulence at any minute, [flight attendants] can walk around and serve hot coffee and Chateaubriand. But when we're on the ground on a flat piece of asphalt going five to ten miles an hour, they've got to be buckled in like they're at NASCAR."

12. Over or near the wing is the smoothest ride yet

-Patrick Smith says "The bumpiest place to sit is in the back. A plane is like a seesaw. If you're in the middle, you don't move as much."

13. Updrafts frighten us more than turbulence

-A retired airline captain and aviation safety analyst named John Nance has this to say. "A plane flies into a massive updraft, which you can't see on the radar at night, and it's like hitting a giant speed bump at 500 miles per hour. It throws everything up in the air and then down very violently. That's not the same as turbulence, which bounces everyone around for a while."

14. There's a very good reason you can't use your cell phone

-Jim Tilmon, a retired pilot with American Airlines who now lives in Phoenix, has this to say. "What can happen is 12 people will decide to call someone just before landing, and I can get a false reading on my instruments saying that we are higher than we really are."

15. When it comes to flight times, the numbers get a little fuzzy

-A captain with AirTran Always, from Atlanta, has this to say. "No, it's not your imagination: Airlines really have adjusted their flight arrival times so they can have a better record of on-time arrivals. So they might say a flight takes two hours when it really takes an hour and 45 minutes."

16. Being on time is of higher importance than getting everyone there

-A commercial pilot from Charlotte, North Carolina says "The Department of Transportation has put such an emphasis on on-time performance that we are pretty much aren't allowed to delay a flight anymore, even if there are 20 people on a connecting flight that's coming in just a little late."

17. I have to carry less fuel than my conscience is comfortable with

-A major airline captain says "Airlines are always looking at the bottom line, and you burn fuel carrying fuel. Sometimes if you carry just enough fuel and you hit thunderstorms or delays, then suddenly you're running out of gas and you have to go to an alternate airport."

18. You'll never hear something like "One of our engines just failed"

-Instead the pilots will say something like "One of our engines is indicating improperly". You'll never hear "Well, folks, the visibility out there is zero." Instead, what will be said is something like "There's some fog in the Washington area."

19. We get exhausted too on flights

-A captain at a major airline says "Our work rules allow us to be on duty for 16 hours without a break. That's many more hours than a truck driver. And unlike a truck driver, who can pull over at the next rest stop, we can't pull over at the next cloud."

20. There's no such thing as a water landing

-An airline pilot from South Carolina says, frankly "It's called crashing into the ocean."

21. We get jealous of your onboard food

-A first officer on a regional airline says "Sometimes the airline won't give us lunch breaks or even time to eat. We have to delay flights just so we can get food."

22. Most people who get sick is not because of what they breathe, but what they touch

-Patrick Smith says "Always assume that the tray table and button to push the seat back have not been wiped down, though we do wipe down the lavatory."

23. It's one thing for the pilots to put on the seat belt light...

-John Greaves, an airline accident lawyer and former airline captain from Los Angeles says "But if he tells the flight attendants to sit down, you better listen. That means there's some serious turbulence ahead."

24. Driving is WAY scarier than flying

-Jack Stephan says "People always ask 'What's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?' I tell them it was a van ride from the Los Angeles airport to the hotel, and I'm not kidding."

25. How you land indicates the skill level of the pilots involved

-Joe D'Eon, a pilot at a major airline with his own podcast at flywithjoe.com, says "So if you want to say something nice to a pilot as you're getting off the plane, say "Nice landing". We do appreciate that."

26. Bad weather exists between cities too

-Jack Stephan says "This happens all the time: We'll be in Pittsburgh going to Philly, and there will be a weather delay. The weather in Pittsburgh is beautiful. Then I'll hear passengers saying 'You know, I just called my friend in Philly, and it's beautiful there, too', like there's some kind of conspiracy or something. But in the airspace between Pittsburgh and Philly, there's a huge thunderstorm."

27. It's not even remotely safe to travel with a baby in your lap

-Patrick Smith says "It's extremely dangerous. If there's any impact or deceleration, there's a good chance you're going to lose hold of your kid, and he becomes a projectile. But the government's logic is that if we made you buy an expensive seat for your baby, you'd just drive, and you're more likely to be injured driving than flying."

28. We're not all financially stable

-A first officer from Texas who was furloughed says "I know pilots who spend a quarter million on their education and training, then that first year as a pilot, they qualify for food stamps."

29. You can recline, but be considerate of the person behind you

-John Nance says "If you're going to recline your seat...please check behind you first. You have no idea how many laptops are broken every year by passengers who slam their seat back with total disregard for what's going on behind them."

30. If we could, we'd give you freebies

-A pilot with US Airways, from South Carolina says "We miss the peanuts, too."

31. We don't wear our hats in the cockpit, by the way

-Joe D'Eon says "On TV and in the comics, you always see these pilots with their hats on, and they have their headsets on over the hat, and that always makes us laugh."

32. Autopilot is not immune to defects

-An airline pilot from South Carolina says "People tend to think the airplane is just flying itself. Trust me, that's not true. It can fly by itself sometimes. But you've always got your hands on the controls waiting for it to mess up. And it does mess up."

33. Sexism abounds

-A pilot for a regional carrier states "I am so tired of hearing 'Oh my God, you're a girl pilot?' When you see a black pilot, do you say 'Oh my God, you're a black pilot?'"

34. There's a good reason why we ask you to do stuff

-Patrick Smith says "We ask you to put the window shade so the flight attendants can see outside in an emergency, to assess if one side is better for an evacuation. It also lets light into the cabin if it goes dark and helps passengers get oriented if the plane rolls or flips over."

35. Don't ask us to repeat sports scores

-A commercial pilot from Charlotte, North Carolina says "Here's a news flash: We're not sitting in the cockpit listening to the ball game. Sometimes we can ask the controllers to go to their break room to check the score. But when I fly to Pittsburgh on a Sunday afternoon, the passengers send the flight attendants up at least ten times to ask us the Steelers score"

36. Leave the flip flops in your luggage

-Joe D'Eon says "I always tell my kids to travel in sturdy shoes. If you have to evacuate and your flip flops fall off, there you are standing on the hot tarmac or in the weeds in your bare feet."

37. We don't control the temperature

-A captain at a major carrier says "Cold on the airplane? Tell your flight attendant. We're in a constant battle with them over the temperature. They're moving all the time, up and down the aisles, so they're always calling and saying 'Turn up the air'. But most passengers are freezing."

38. The straight truth about airline jobs

-A commercial pilot from Charlotte, North Carolina says "You don't have as much time off as your neighbors think you have, you don't make as much money as your relatives think you make, and you don't have as many girlfriends as your wife thinks you have. Still, I can't believe they pay me to do this."

39. We're not the best people to ask for directions

-A pilot for a regional Charlotte, North Carolina carrier says "I may be in uniform, but that doesn't mean I'm the best person to ask for directions in the airport. We're in so many airports that we usually have no idea."

40. Here's some lingo used by airlines:

-Blue juice: water in the lavatory toilet. "There's no blue juice in the lav."

-Crotch watch: The required check to ensure all passengers have their seat belts fastened. Also known as "groin scan"

-Crumb crunchers: Kids. "We got a lot of crumb crunchers on this flight."

-Deadheading: When an airline employee flies as a passenger for company business

-George: Autopilot. "I'll let George takeover."

-Pax: Passengers

-Spinners: Passengers who get on late and don't have a seat assignment, so they spin around looking for a seat

-Two-for-one special: The plane touches down on landing, bounces up, then touches down again

-Working the village: Working the coach

41. We sleep in the cockpit

-John Greaves says "Do pilots sleep (in the cockpit)? Definitely. Sometimes it's just a ten minute catnap, but it happens."

42. For cargo flights, we don't dress up

-A tech pilot at a regional Texas airline says "One time I rode in the jump seat of a 747 freighter, which carries cargo, not passengers. As soon as the door closed, the first officer went in back and put on a bathrobe and slippers. No kidding. He said 'I'll be d---ed if I'm going to wear a tie for a bunch of boxes."

43. We have to fly frequently to be able to fly

-Patrick Smith says "A pilot's license never expires. What does expire, however, is his or her currency - i.e. "recency of experience", as the FAA puts it. To keep current in my aircraft type, I need two things. The first is to pass a semi-annual training evaluation. This is a two-day course that we repeat every nine months, usually referred to as "recurrent training". In addition, we need to log a minimum of three takeoffs and landings every 90 days. If you drop out of currency, the airline has to run you through the simulator to bring it back again."

44. Losing our jobs is devastating

-Patrick Smith says "When a pilot is out of work, for whatever reason, he or she cannot simply slide over to another airline and pick up where they left off. The way airline seniority systems work, there's no sideways transfer of benefits or salary. If you move to a different company, you begin again at the bottom, at probationary pay and benefits, regardless of how much experience you have. You lose everything. So any threats to our jobs or companies make us very nervous."

45. We retain knowledge of what's familiar to us

-Patrick Smith says "So much of flying is muscle memory - internalizing the location and operation of the various switches, prompts, buttons, and levers - and the longer you've been flying a specific model, the stronger your retention. On my last assignment, finally in first officer's seat again after a multi-week absence, I was surprised more by how quickly it all came back."

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