Life is what happens when you are making other plans~ John Lennon
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind~Gandhi
The time is always right to do what is right~ Martin Luther King Jr.


Sunday, September 22, 2019

Day 6-Something You've Always Had a Problem With

This will be interesting
https://never3nding.tumblr.com/post/2660644142/tumblr-30-day-challenge

I've always had issues with self-confidence and self-esteem. Me and my sister have. Growing up with a set of parents like ours will do that. Me and my sister had unusual parents. What I mean is our biological father bullied us. He called us names, made fun of us, stole from us, did everything to his own kids that you are not supposed to do. He stole the small cross I got for my first communion and pawned it for cigarette money. He would steal the tip money and paycheck money my sister earned from her job in an ice cream shop for cigarettes. He would call my sister gorilla arms or orangutan arms because she had hair on her arms that would remind you of an ape. Because of that, she took to shaving her arms and had to hide it from our mother. She noticed and my sister was hesitant to tell her. She spilled the beans and our mom nearly killed our dad for that. She yelled at him something fierce. There's a lot he did and said to us that we were afraid to tell our mom. Mostly it was out of fear of retaliation or the simple fact he would yell at us and punish us, telling us "You two never keep anything secret!" or "What happens in this house stays in this house!" As for me, he would call me Billy Bass Lips, Jagger Mouth because I happen to have very full lips, like Mick Jagger. It used to make me so mad. When I was in college and he was home, he would sometimes offer to drive me to school. This was only after I said I was leaving to catch the bus and he said "Don't do that. I'll drive you." Every time he did this, I walked into class 10 minutes before it was due to start, instead of already being up there at least a half hour to an hour before it started. He made me almost late to class each time he "offered" to drive. This was because he was playing a video game and didn't want to stop. I had to keep nagging him just to get his response. The only reason we didn't move in with our mom and stepdad is we wanted to finish school. We didn't have to worry about leaving friends behind; we both had hardly any.

When we were younger, if we said we wanted to go into a certain field later on, our dad would tell us, something to the effect of "No matter how hard you work at it, it'll never happen." Or "It's useless having dreams because they never come true" or "You two are better off just working some 9-5 job just to earn money and pay bills, like NORMAL people do". When we were younger, my sister wanted to be a firefighter. She was obsessed with the movie Backdraft and she read anything and everything about the firefighting industry. I, however, wanted to go into medicine. So, essentially, we both wanted to be first responders of a sort. Our dad told us that both jobs would be dangerous and costly to go into. He told me that I was better off not doing that because I would be in school forever and then I would have to decide a specialty in nursing or medicine and even then I'd be debt until I'm dead. He told my sister that she better change her mind; firefighting is dangerous and life threatening. She knew this and didn't care; she loved the saving people and helping people aspect of it. Same goes with me and medicine. Suffice to say, you don't say this to your own kids when they already are planning their careers. Suffice to say, we are not in the first responder industry; we are both working jobs just to pay bills and having to take the simple joy in doing things like concerts or vacations. To be honest, I think our dad hated us. I think he thought of us as being an obstacle to whatever job he wanted to do.

As for our biological mother, she is opinionated to the point of brutality. She will be brutally honest with you and if it hurts your feelings, oh well, suck it up buttercup is what you will be told. She thinks that people need to be able to take the truth and not be a baby about it. Truth hurts is something she seems to live by. I have always had the feeling, and my sister shares this same feeling too, that our mom blames us for keeping her from going to medical school to become a nurse.

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